I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
