hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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