Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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