apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
cat food counts as protein by the way
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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