So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
