The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
