I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
