the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
