you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
