am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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