They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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