it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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