You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize