Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
