I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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