im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
