lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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