You really coming over, don't trick.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
