Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
