drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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