so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
