Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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