and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
