we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
