i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
