Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Rumble strips road head = magical
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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