There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
