I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize