i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
