i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
