He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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