OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
