You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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