a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
