goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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