Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize