You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
