Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I need to stop coming to work sober
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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