final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize