she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize