Buhtt sex?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
