So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
