we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just tell him i said nine months
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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