The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
