he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize