I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
