Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
