i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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