Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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