Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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