I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
