You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
