the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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