Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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