Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
