Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
