Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
