No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
