u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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