Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
