I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
