dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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