I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
