he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
