New invention idea: vibrating tampons
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize