apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
