Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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