So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
