I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
